When my husband from Denmark arrived in America three and a half years ago, he was very naive, trusting everyone and everything.
That’s because Denmark is well-known for being one of the most trusting societies in the world. Danes trust their government, their taxes, and each other. They’re also obsessive rule followers and genuinely believe that rules are there for a reason.
My husband quickly learned that’s simply not the way we do things in the U.S.
So here are a few tricks I had to teach him to protect him from being ripped off every step of the way.
Don’t (blindly) trust doctors
Healthcare in America is a business. And like any business, it’s about making money.
This took some time for my husband to understand. Coming from a country with free universal healthcare, he was used to doctors who did their job quickly and efficiently, so they could move on to the next patient.
They didn’t need to see you for “routine check-ups,” “annual visits,” “follow-up appointments,” or “necessary” flu shots. You came back if you had a problem or a family history of a certain disease. End of story.
In America, going to a doctor is a circus that starts with a mountain of paperwork and ends with a river of bills.
After yet another no-reason appointment my husband was prompted to make for one of my (healthy) step-daughters, I told him to leave all the communication with medical professionals to me.
At least until he learns his lesson: in America, a doctor’s office is a Turkish bazaar. You go in knowing what need, haggle, and get out as fast as you can.
Don’t pick up every phone call
My husband is so cute when he picks up a call from an unknown number and politely answers, “Hello.”
He then proceeds to listen and ask again, “What warranty? I don’t have any warranty.” He makes a genuine attempt to understand.
My heart melts. I whisper, “Just hang up.”
Instead, he politely ends the call with, “I’m sorry, I think you’re calling the wrong person.”
My husband is a very busy man, but he picks up his phone almost every time. Sadly, he still doesn’t get the idea of an unsolicited call. Scam is just a part of life in America. We don’t think twice about it.
See, in Denmark every phone call matters. A person’s time is respected. In return, people are less distracted, more productive, and less stressed.
After 40-something years of living with that mindset, my husband just can’t wrap his head around the fact that in a place as powerful as America there is room for such a waste of resources and time.
Always ask for what’s owed to you
While a rude waiter, dysfunctional customer service, inability to get a taxi, or simply being ripped off in the U.S. annoys my husband just as much, I’ve been the one trying to “set things straight.”
These days though, I find myself teaching him to ask for more and to stand up for himself more.
“In America, it’s expected,” I explain. We have to push for what we want, or else we’ll get taken for a ride. And once you learn to push, you don’t stop.
I remember how on a package vacation to Italy, with a group of British people, I was the only person to complain at the front desk about the obvious things that were broken or missing in my hotel room. As I later discovered, many people had issues, but not a single person dared to complain.
I learned a valuable lesson: some Europeans, including my husband, will quietly put up with things not working. Almost no American will.
Don’t just follow the rules — think for yourself
Danish people are big sticklers for rules and obey them religiously. I guess there’s a certain comfort in knowing what to do when, and never having to think twice about it.
Crossing on a red light, for example, is considered very rude and Danes will obediently wait for the light to change, even on an empty road. Denmark is pretty much the opposite of chaos.
When my poor husband came to the U.S., a country of very many rules, he struggled to understand that most of them no one cared about. No riding electric scooters on sidewalks — no one cares. Coming to a full stop at a Stop sign — no one cares. Wearing a mask — no one cares. “It’s a free country” after all.
After watching my husband being the last guy in line for everything, I had to teach him: doing what’s expected of you won’t get you far in America.
While you’re busy navigating and honoring all the rules, someone else will take a shortcut and beat you to it.
Don’t drive the speed limit
My husband used to be the slowest guy on any highway in and around Los Angeles when we first moved here from New York. When I finally asked him why he was driving so slowly, he said he was keeping to the speed limit.
I had to gently break it to him that a speed limit was one of the many rules we didn’t care about in America. Instead, we use the go-with-the-flow system of keeping up the speed consistent with other drivers.
My husband simply could not wrap his head around this one. “So if everyone decides to drive 90 miles per hour, I should too?” he asked me.
Yep.
“What’s the point of the speed limit then?”
I didn’t know.
By now, he’s much more comfortable at following the guy in front of him, and not the rules.
And don’t just pay what they tell you to pay
We’re a big country full of chaos. Mistakes happen. Miscalculations, both honest and dishonest, happen. We’re the opposite of Denmark, where order and serenity rule the streets.
So never pay what you’re told to pay — always double-check, price match, or straight-up ask for a discount. It’s amazing how much money you can save in America just by watching what you’re spending.
The U.S. isn’t for everyone. We hustle, we scheme, we re-invent. While coming here from a straightforward country like Denmark might not give you enough skills to thrive, having a jaded hustler wife certainly helps.
Good advice. You may like to add don't trust the mechanics, too in the U.S. - they scare you into fixing a lot of stuff in your car (not sure it is the same elsewhere!)
You keep making me wish I lived in Denmark! 😂